TOO MUCH...!!!

I have not been able to write much of late, primarily because my exams are knocking hard on my door, and most importantly, harder than it has ever knocked till date. Apart from the huge books untouched, something has been bothering me very much of late. Point is, I don’t know what, or rather why. My past once again is haunting me, but I really don’t know why.

I was not quite willing to come back to college this time. One reason is that the vacations were so long that college had become a non-existent part of my life, but I think it’s mainly because of a feeling of incompleteness somewhere down the line. This incompleteness is the thing that is giving rise to everything. I have been through these extremely frustrating feats and I have become quite used to things happening against my wishes. But somehow, this thing is so bothering. I never ever had to resort to nicotine and liquor before in my life, to overcome these short-living inglorious moments.

Concentrating has become so tuff of late. Also, my rate of speaking bullshit has increased manifold. Somehow it seems that the world has no space left to accommodate me anymore. Perhaps I don’t belong to the existing system anymore. Probably I am being a little too idealistic of late, where I really should be either materialistic or objective. I believe I’m a human being as any other at the end of the day, and I have my share of mistakes. But I have paid the price for it, but why don’t they just leave me alone? What more do they want out of me?

Until this is resolved, my life is going to be worse. As it is I am following a totally self-destructive path, but I don’t want to end my life being a loser, and having my small moments of glory in building fake castles in the air. Whatever needs to be done, needs to be done real fast! I don’t want to mess my exams nearby, and later, my life.