Infidelity's Child...

Being a man in love, I realized that you have to be patient, and always be at the receiving end of womankind’s endless vetoes. Yes, I say this not because I have the slightest dissatisfaction in love, but because I have quite been hanging out there for a little too long for discomfort. At times I doubt its infidelity, but here is the question-Is it another way of expressing the clichéd doubt, or is it truly a test of fidelity. Enough of the many examinations that I have given ever since the big confession, probably many more than the number of written or oral examinations I have given till date for my academics. What? Do I have to hang in there for even longer?

Assurances and reassurances have never failed to live up to the best I could afford. The why after every reassurance am I quizzed tirelessly with the many questions that had already found their answers in the reassurances. Weren’t the answer spotless and picture perfect? Well to be honest, they can never be, in spite of the best of the perfections I could afford within my limited boundaries. I cannot embellish my vows of love with sugar-coated lies. Hence, I get hurt easily for every inch of disbelief in them. And today, after days, one of those moments of supposed infidelity inspired quiz was fired at me, to which I had nothing but another of those same old reassurances.

As my love cannot change after everything, my reassurances cannot change either. So they’ll sound very much the same every time. I am sorry; I am out of novelties here. But that’s not the end. An assertiveness in the blatant refusal of the truth happened for the first time today, and that was fired straight-forward point blank, which added on to the element of sadness and added an element of surprize to it. But here’s the twist, and I write it down in pen and paper, that it will reoccur. In the end, I’m again sorry to have thought her to be a bit out of the box of the members of womankind known to me till date, but no matter how, she is all the same.

She cannot realize or reciprocate love. Fine, no bad feelings, but the first moment of a supposed infidelity happened today which probably I had anticipated for the long road miles that separate us. Maybe there’s something else that she wants, but she has no right to be assertive of what I want, for some reason or the other, she doesn’t live my life. I live it. And the truth is, this side of the endless vetoes and the missiles of infidelity is what I’m living. You can’t see it, can you? You can’t feel it, can you?

I often confused the two words and thought it to be synonymous in our case-love and respect. While the latter has been ever since the day we became penfriends of the virtual world, the earlier somehow is not the “it” word in our bond. Wait now. Was there a bond or have I assumed too much? You are not the second most important thing after me yet for I am still nineteen pal, but that doesn’t negate the importance of you in my life.

To whomever it may concern-I love you, and not anything on earth can change that. Even if I am devoid of my desired togetherness due to unforeseen or obvious circumstances, I will love you. Now for every time I am quizzed or doubted, I’ll hang in there and reassure that I love you. But never ever say affirmatively that one lie-“I don’t love you.”