This post is after a one hour chat with one of my close friends. It was a casual call but in its course, it got serious. Though in the end, we both had learned about our own "mistakes" concerning a particular incident, I somehow felt I should write on it. I carried on with my share of feeling bad about it, but writing about it gets all of it out of me. So I'm writing.
First let me introduce the person concerned. She is someone I really love and respect a lot as my friend. But to me, she is a human first and a "she" next. I was educated in a boys' school, so at one time, I was not at ease with conversing with the feminine gender. But it was my sister who convinced me to make mistakes, so that I come out of feeling uncomfortable, for in my future, I have to interact with men and women equally. And so I started my interactions. Many a times, my jokes didn't go off well; I have left many hearts wounded in the city because of some silly pranks, jokes or maybe comments I made about them. Some thought I'm a flirt, some felt uneasy about a few friendly gestures made. So this led me to believe that indeed interactions with females are not so easy as those with males. They are different indeed. And they need their own space a little more than men do.
But this young woman happens to come in my life. Our meeting was virtual, and rather an unusual one for a long-lasting friendship to continue. Yes, it is hard for people to believe in it; it was hard for me to believe it too. But it was reality. She was the first of the womankind that I could be really free and frank with. There are issues that I cannot discuss with my mom or my sister, for I feel shy as they are elder to me. But knowing that she was someone who would be the last person on earth to mind anything about it, I did share a lot with her. We shared a lot with each other. She changed my view altogether about women. Often we her women fight for equal rights as those of men. They were right. They are as good as men.
When I started contemplating a lot about the two contradictory viewpoints of mine, I was somehow driven by sheer justified facts that men and women should be equally treated. This viewpoint actually help me be at ease with womankind. I made a lot of female friends soon after. Slowly, I was led into an all new belief. Women are human first, women next.
This summer I happened to meet with her on not one, but two occasions. It was really nice to meet her, and we had our share of fun. She wasn't a bore to be with, so I really loved her company. Till here all sounds okay. But then it happened. We were about to part our ways towards home, when we shook hands and I added a friendly gesture by poking her little-bulging-out tummy. Yeah, that's what I do to friends with bulging tummies.
For days later, we conversed normally, though occasionally I brought up the tummy issue, and she would "jokingly" say-"My tummy officially hates you!" But it seemed that I was wrong. I was definitely wrong. I generally understand subtle remarks, but about a thing that perfectly went down well it me, I couldn't decipher the subtlety in it. It didn't go down well with her. I admit that my blind faith had a loophole. Do I ever give a thought to what the person on the receiving end feels? No I don't. And I was wrong. So I learned that its again different with females. They need their own space and we have to respect that.
I was feeling miserable to have done what I have done. Especially to have hurt someone like her, who has been one of my best buddies, and is one of the few who really understands me well. But my complaint is on only one thing. I agree that given to the fact I'm a human being, I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. But they are unintentional. I try my best not to hurt people, because that goes down as a regret in my life, and I hate having any regret with me in my life's course. I prefer being shouted at when I'm wrong. At least that makes me conscious about my mistake, and I apologize. But this was supposedly a case where a "sorry" is not enough. I have just one thing to say. It would have been, if at that moment if it were to be told. But alas that did not happen.
I want to tell you my dear friend a thing. Please be direct with me about nothing but my mistakes. Correct me, for I'm human. Enlighten me, for I am illiterate about most things. In the end, I wish that we have learned our lessons from this incident. I'll quote-"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure.I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times, hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Please let us help each other for life, for all I know is that if there is anyone who can handle my best and worst and won't defriend me for either, it is you and YOU only.
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