He cared about her a lot. He loved her a lot. But she never knew how much. Many a times, she misinterpreted it to be yet another one of those romantic approaches of a guy, so she preferred not being with him. She often would tell him that she was not a good person, and he should not care about him after all.
This was one thought that used to occur to me over and over again, and often I told him that he should actually let her go the way she liked; he was not duty-bound to change her for the better. But nothing would stop him to spare a thought about her. I learned from personal experiences that honesty the not the thing that most of the girls look for, or even acknowledge now a days. They look for fun, adventure, and pleasure. Being good was a taboo, and I warned him of heartbreak.
He is my best friend. And I cannot afford to see him heartbroken at all. And my fears came true so suddenly just about an hour ago when I got a phone call from him. He sounded weak. His heart broke a long, long time ago. So what I assumed, it was something a lot more serious than it. This was what he precisely told me:
“Kuldip, she called yesterday. And this time, I could not hold myself up together, because this is too much. I mean why do I care at all? After one year all I know is that she doesn’t even give me a damn! So why am I trying all this?
Kuldip, she is not a virgin. And hold it, I know the lecture that awaits me. But trust me, the fact didn’t hurt me at all! It’s her attitude. Look I don’t at all poke my nose into anybody’s personal relationships, and even be it physical, it doesn’t bother me. She says she had it for fun. And now when I say that the way she is behaving, trying to find love in a guy who she just “loves” because she wants to have all the fun in a relationship. I mean, where’s the fun in it when you are not honest. All that guy cares about is to have a girlfriend.
Now when I say that all her previous company has ruined her and she was not in the right path, and just taking shortcuts to seek happiness, she doesn’t even bother to listen! I mean why do I care, right? Yes, let me tell you why. Because this is the first time I truly love a person and today she’s into sex, tomorrow drinks and drugs! I can sacrifice her personally. I don’t need her in my life at all. But I cannot see her sacrifice herself to the satanic things. Yeah, guess what I won’t give up!
I did lose all my hope to be with her forever, long, long ago, when I got to know that I meant nothing to her. But like it or not, she means everything to me. Right now, I’ll be the happiest person to see her go the right way and be happy in her life. I can leave her to have her find her own way. But I know one thing for sure, that if I do that, she’ll go deeper into damnation, and that by any means, I cannot let happen.
I really have larger responsibilities to shoulder from now on. So I said it. I’ll be nagging. She will plead me to let go of her, but I’ll not. I swear. I’ll do it selflessly, because I don’t want her in return. I want her to be a happy person in the long run. You know what it means to be honest. It hurts, but you are happy. You become the victim, but never lose your dignity. I want her to be good and honest. I’ll do anything to help her out of her ways.
I am not a Messiah! But I’m a human being with a heart. And all I can do is to love her selflessly. I’m happy that I love her. But I need her to love too, not for the sake of loving, but loving honestly. I do not want her to love the idea of a person. I want her to love the person, be it anybody.”
I was shocked. He hates monologues. But for the last 20 minutes, I was on the receiving end of one from him. I had one thing to say but I stopped myself. I felt a tear roll down my cheek, and I cut short the conversation with a “Goodbye. Talk to you later.” My voice choked. I knew she was gone forever, never to return. I wish I could tell him my story.
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